Your Encouragement Blog

"beloved"

2009-04-01T10:29:00.000-07:00

know that love is there for you
because you are worthy of love.
you were made for love; you were made to be loved.
love is your purpose -- love and be loved,
receive love, accept love
-- it's yours! --
Jesus died so you'd see his love,
so he could love you more fully,
so you could love like him, so you could love him.
your love is worth the life of God Himself.
you are worthy of such love that could stop the universe,
create time, inspire beauty, suffer infinitely.
God loves you;
God has made you worthy of love.
be loved.

I Hate "Christian" Guilt Emails

2009-01-25T18:20:00.000-08:00

Here's a classic example. Why do we do this to each other? I hate the overtones of guilt and condemnation, the message that "if you're a good Christian, you'll pass this on."

As if God would operate such a condemning mission! His message is grace, and love. He loves us even when we mess up, and he doesn't require ridiculous things from us, like feeling guilty for carrying cell phones instead of big, heavy bibles, for instance.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." (Romans 8:1)

And, if that wasn't clear enough, "If God is for us [and he is], who can ever be against us? ... Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love?" Romans 8:31...33-35

My point is, condemning messages, even ones with "godly" overtones, come not from God's loving heart but from Satan's un-heart that wants to tear us down and make us feel like horrible people. His goal is to weigh us down with such heavy, insignificant burdens that we feel like we can't face God because we're not worthy.

But God has given us right standing with himself. He has made us worthy. And when we turn to him for help, he lifts off the weights and can even help us become better people -- from the inside, where it really counts.

And only he is capable of affecting such change in us. He is the changer of hearts. Emails like this one only put weights of guilt on us that can keep us from turning to him for the real transformation.

Read it for yourself, if you like, and think about how it makes you feel. Then let's listen to God's word instead and encourage one another with his love and grace. ♥

"Cell phone vs. Bible

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat

our cell phone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several time a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we traveled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing.
Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being
disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities? And no dropped calls!

P.S. DO WHAT YOU THINK GOD WOULD WANT YOU TO DO WITH THIS EMAIL

Trust in the Lord and *ASAP (Always Say A Prayer)

Have a blessed and wonderful day!

Knock, Knock I knocked at heaven's door this morning. God asked me...'My child, what can I do for you?' And I said, 'Father, please protect and bless the person reading this message.' God smiled and answered. ..'Request granted'. If you believe, send this to seven people. By doing this, you have succeeded in praying for eight people today. 'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'

When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you!

If you are one of the 7% who will stand up for Him, forward this.

93% of people won't forward this"

Talking Myself Into It

2009-01-14T09:29:00.000-08:00

I keep trying to decide what kind of artist I want to be. It's silly, really, since the decision-making process takes into account stupid things, like "What kind of art is most popular, what makes the most money, what is the most famous, and what kind do I most admire?"

I've decided, just a couple minutes ago, that I'm going to have to just get painting and see what kind of artist I already am.

Why be a realist if I prefer more vivid colours?

Why paint things exactly as they are? I might as well just take a picture.

Why try to paint subject matter that other people like, and be stuck with a drudgery of a painting with no passion in it?

Why do I keep talking myself out of painting before I even begin? !!!

No more talking in my head. Time to just get going, get painting, get disciplined enough to do it every day, and see what comes out of it. Time to find out what kind of artist I am. And time to have fun!

Pressing My Buttons

2009-01-10T09:17:00.000-08:00

Lately, my life has consisted of various frustrations, ranging in degree from minor to (what seems like) extreme, and some days, all the little frustrations run together into a big, fat blob of wanting-to-crawl-back-into-bed-but-I-can't-because-even-if-I-hadn't-drank-so-much-coffee-the-kids-are-still-awake-anyway frustration. Sigh.

Take for instance, the toilet. The first time I heard my twins' laughter coming from the bathroom, I thought to myself, "Oh, isn't that just the cutest sound! They must be trying to reach their bath toys." I'm sure you've already guessed what I actually found when I walked in: two little radiantly happy boys who had found a constant supply of water for splashing, whose sleeves and grinning faces were soaked and dripping with toilet water.

"Ack!" I cried, running to pick them up and scold them, telling them, "Dirty! Dirty! Yucky! We don't play in the toilet!"

I set them down, despondent, in the living room, and stripped off their wet shirts, wiped their faces and hands, and tried to disinfect them. They gazed, longingly, at the bathroom.

The next day, I had forgotten to put the baby gate up (thinking ridiculously that the previous day's scolding had made an impression), and I once again heard the dreaded sound of giggling coming from the bathroom.

Yep. Just re-read the above for an accurate description of what followed. Again.

The only difference is, the second time I had the presence of mind to scrub the toilet bowl clean, "just in case."

And it's a good thing I did, too. I don't know how the little rascals conspire to drive me so crazy, but they have gotten into the toilet at least one more time since the first two days of insanity. And if they're not splashing in the toilet, they're holding on to my knees and crying while I'm trying to -- finally -- eat my own breakfast.

There just isn't enough coffee in the world, lately.

I've been trying recently to cut back on my coffee consumption, actually. But, since I am prone to seasonal depression, and this is my first winter in a while without my antidepressants (see my other blog for reasons), I decided it would be foolish to give up such a happy drink in the middle of winter. Did you know coffee stimulates adrenaline and dopamine production? Hence the lovely burst of energy and happy euphoria. :)

Add the myriad other small frustrations to the toilet-splashing twins and the caffeine guilt -- like renovations, being housebound, needing an hour just to dress four wiggling boys in snowsuits, and not having any time to paint, and then not having any inspiration when I do have time to paint, not to mention the never-ending drudgery of housework that needs doing again as soon as I've done it -- and I'm feeling a little, shall we say, antsy lately.

I keep looking for the off button for all these frustrations, but so far, the only thing I've found is a reset button. And the problem with a reset button, of course, is that it doesn't turn things off for good! But I suppose it's better than no button at all.

Becoming Christ-Centred, Part 1

2008-11-02T10:15:00.000-08:00

Today at my church, our pastor encouraged and challenged us all to take the jump from being growing Christians to being Christ-centered Christians. In other words, he challenged us to quit asking God what he can do for us and to become willing to let go of everything and cling only to Christ.

Sounds scary, doesn't it?

I remember how I used to read that God's will is good and pleasing and perfect, but the whole time, there was a niggling doubt in my mind. What if it was only pleasing to him, and not to me? What if I said yes to him, and he asked me to do something that scared me?

Gradually, I quit saying yes to him. It was subtle at first, but before long, all the joy that I had experienced as a new Christian had disappeared, and I was faking it. I felt empty and out-of-sorts, but I kept going through the motions of being a "good Christian." Meanwhile, I was bogged down with guilt over my inadequacy.

So what happened to me? How come I can say all of these things in the past tense now? Well, when I think about it, there are a couple things that stand out to me.

The first change happened when a friend told me this: That, in essence, once we get to a plateau in our faith, most of us try to regain our initial spark, our first emotional high we experienced as new believers. We try to go back. But the thing to do is not to re-capture that fleeting honeymoon feeling, but to go forward into a new and deeper commitment, one based not on emotions but on obedience.

The next big change started happening when I admitted to God that I didn't trust him. Not one little bit. I was so sure he'd be mad, or hurt, that I could barely even admit it to myself, let alone him, for the longest time. But he isn't like a person who takes offense; he already knew I didn't trust him, long before I found out.

Then, once it was out in the open, I felt so relieved. I had told God I didn't trust him, and he hadn't struck me down with lightning. I didn't even feel a bit of condemnation from him. Instead, I felt his approval, his gladness that I was finally being honest. That's when I learned the meaning of the verse, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven," from Matthew 5. I finally knew, without a doubt, that I had nothing spiritual to offer God. All my striving to become the mature Christian and do all the right things had gotten me nowhere. I couldn't produce my own fruit.

So, I asked for his help. I basically said, "Okay, I really don't trust you, but I want to. At least, I want to want to. I'm still a little scared, so you're going to have to change me. Help!"

My life didn't change right away, but my heart was different. I wasn't resisting any more. I didn't know it, but I was on my way to Christ-centeredness.

Why Has God Seemed Distant Lately?

2008-10-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

I'm processing something, so I'll write about it.

I want to know what God's plan is, in all its details and timelines. How should we spend our money? Do we renovate or not? Are we going to have more kids, and if we do, will they be ours, or should we adopt?

I have so many questions for him, but at the same time, I'm finally feeling at peace again, after a frustrating and distant two weeks. Isn't it funny how God can feel so distant, even though we know he's right there? I felt like I was praying up against a wall, talking but not really communicating. I couldn't really hear him very well; I've been so tired and distracted lately that I didn't really notice it at first, but my blahs caught up to me tonight, and I asked him about it.

"Where are you? What happened to me that I feel distant from you?"

And I actually sat down and tried to muddle it out instead of complaining and moving on to the next activity, like I usually do.

I retraced my steps back to when I first noticed feeling out of whack, and I really thought about what might have happened. And you know what it was? It's the same thing as it always is when God feels distant to me. I had started saying no to him.

It was just a stupid, little thing that you'd think wouldn't make a difference. Really, it was just me deciding I wanted things a certain way, and then deciding not to ask my Father if that was his best plan, because I wanted it that way. I figured he wouldn't really care about it anyway.

But he cares about everything. :) And my stubborn heart blocked up our communication. The issue itself didn't really matter to him; it was my stubbornness, my "No, I want it my way," -- or, in more precise terms, "La la la la, I'm not listening," -- that mattered to him.

And, what do you know, when I told him I wasn't listening, I stopped hearing from him! Go figure.

Oddly enough, as soon as I figured this out tonight, let go of my stubborn desires, and said yes to him, I felt at peace.

I still have no idea what the specifics of his plans for me are, but now that I'm not stubbornly insisting on my own way anymore, I don't mind. He'll work it all out, and I'll be there to watch in awe, with my mouth hanging open a little, as I see how amazing his plans can be.

Blessed Are The Poor In Spirit...

2008-07-28T15:10:00.001-07:00

Strange things are happening.

I was sitting in church yesterday when my mind wandered. Somehow, I went from focusing on what Rod was saying to thinking about my spiritual journey and how I always seem to be closer to God when crises are happening. I cling to him when I need him, and coast when things are easy.

That's when the light bulb went on.

You see, I've been struggling lately. I've been complaining to God about my best friend moving away. Far, far away. Throughout this whole last year and a half, whenever I needed a friend to cry with or just some godly perspective, she's been there. And now, when I'm sad about her leaving, I think, "I should call N to come over for some coffee and a chat," then I realize that I can't. And that makes it worse.

The light bulb moment came when I realized that all my sadness about her leaving is actually creating a bit of a crisis... which in turn draws me to rely on God more. So really, God isn't being mean to me or her for calling her family away. He's being kind. He's drawing us to himself. *Bing!*

I know it's a little strange to be a bit of a crisis junkie, finding it easier to rely on God when I've got no resources left. Most people seem to do the opposite, praising him when things are going well and questioning him when things don't go their way. But really, I do that, too. I question him and complain a lot. I struggle through his motives, his trustworthiness, my faith.

But every time a crisis comes and I choose to rely on him, I find him to be an unwavering rock, a comfort, and a source of inexplicable strength. Every time I've been forced to see if his promises are true, I have discovered them to be absolutely real.

It's been in the worst times of my life that I've gotten to know him best. Those are the moments that my faith went from something that created emotional highs to something that created deep roots of strength and peace and trust.

Doesn't God work in strange ways?

Poor Amanda

2008-07-12T19:38:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling sorry for myself lately. In a week, my best friend is moving away to a completely different province. Poor me.

But I started thinking today. I don't want to mope around about it, but I don't want to pretend I don't care, either. The truth is that this friendship took years to grow strong, and her moving has made me realize what a gem of a friendship we have. It's hard to find a girlfriend you can laugh with AND cry with, who's got a similar philosophy of life, and who is brave enough to tell you when you're doing the wrong thing. Oh yeah, and she lets me tell her, too. She encourages me to follow Christ, and that's what I need most.

Her moving has made me ask God a couple hard questions lately. I've been questioning his planning, his promise to provide for us as his children, and his motives. Things aren't going the way I'd planned and prayed for, so what if his plan isn't so great after all? What if I've been encouraging her all along to trust him, and he's not going to come through in the way that we want?

Finally admitting to these questions that have been brewing in my heart today, I realized something. I realized I'd forgotten the biggest lesson that God taught me this year.

You see, this past year (okay, fifteen months), our family has had a crazy ride. I gave birth to our twins 3 months early, and they spent 3 months in the hospital. During that time, they were extremely sick, and one of them almost died. But he didn't. Then, when they were ten months old, he had to go back to the children's hospital for more surgery, and we almost lost him again.

Recently, I'd been thinking that the biggest lesson I'd learned this year was how powerful our prayers can be. After all, God listened and saved Xander's life numerous times when we prayed. Our baby's last recovery even coincided with a prayer meeting!

But I'd forgotten something else. Something that had come to me one day when I was driving to the hospital, again, and worrying about money. I started to question God then, too. I asked him, "Are you going to forget about us now? You've provided everything we've needed up to this point, but now what? We need more help, and I don't see it coming."

Do you want to know the answer that came to me, clear as day? Let me warn you -- it's not easy to accept. It goes against everything in our do-it-my-way, give-me-answers hearts.

He said, "I am God."

"I. Am. God."

At that moment, I realized that if he wanted to make us completely destitute, he had every right to do so. He is God.

When Xander was sick, I prayed for him to get better, but I remembered that God is God. He had every right to say no, and I knew he would pick up the pieces of my heart and comfort me if I needed it.

And again, today, standing in my kitchen feeling sorry for myself and wondering why God wasn't jumping to answer our prayers or show us the future, he reminded me: He is God.

Am I prepared to worship him no matter what? To say, in essence, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust him?" To look past my wants, my troubles, and ask to be included in his bigger plan?

I'd like to.

I will.

After all, he IS God.

Operation Mouth Guard, Day 1

2008-06-01T14:04:00.000-07:00

I've decided to try something out for the month. My mission: to say nothing of a critical nature to my husband for a whole month, and, as part of that, to focus on being only encouraging and positive in my words.

I gave myself a time limit so I wouldn't get discouraged, so I'd have an attainable goal, and so I could (hopefully) start a new habit without overloading! :) (Thanks to flylady.com for this piece of advice on forming new habits and not biting off more than I can chew.)

These are the guidelines I've worked out so far:

~ no "sarcastic" comments (since they're really only my way of cowardly nitpicking, anyway, and they never seem to change anything for the better!)

~ no "valid" points. I'm choosing to set aside my "needs" for the month -- and hopefully this will also help me discern between actual, valid needs and selfish, self-validated and rationalized non-needs. I tend to confuse the two.

~ no "reminders." Also valid things, but not seen as helpful or enticements to do what I want. (And usually the things I want are not the same as Dave's priorities. I need to shut up more so we can work together, I think.)

I'm sure I'll come up with more as I go along, but these are the most obvious things I need to work on.

I plan to write a new note every day as a way of keeping myself accountable. Plus, it'll keep me from forgetting. :) I'll share how I've succeeded and how I've failed each day.

"Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips"!!! (Psalm 141:3)

Oh yeah, I've also copied out a couple bible verses to put up around the house to remind and encourage me. Thank God that He's going to be helping me with this! ('Cause I'm really going to need it.)

I'm a little scared of failing, and I'm worried about how Dave will react, but I want to press on and change this area of my life. I think it'll make our marriage much better if I can just stop pushing all my needs and start realizing he's got some, too.

Here's my "theme verse":

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29).

Here's to a month of building up! :)

New Christians

2008-01-17T14:47:00.001-08:00

I remember when I was a new Christian. There was so much to learn, and sometimes it made my head spin. I hadn't realized there was Christian lingo that I'd need to learn, I had no idea what the Rapture was, and I wanted to be a "good" Christian but didn't fully know what that meant. Yikes!

So, in memory of my early, confusing and exciting days as a baby Christ follower, and because of an awesome idea that my friend Jodi had, we're working on a new section for new Christians on YourEncouragement.com.

We've been there, done that, and now we want to help you get through it, too... a little more gracefully than we did, if possible!

Look for the new encouragement for new Christians, coming soon.

Stepping Off A Cliff

2007-12-18T11:22:00.000-08:00

I've been doing some reading lately, and I'm starting to look at my life differently because of it. Somehow, Ted Dekker's books point my vision to a place beyond what I can see, to a world of possibilities and the kingdom of God. Reading his books makes me hungry for something more in my life, and I realize that even though I think I'm doing well following God, there's still a little more of me that I can give up and a little more of Him that I need. Okay, a lot more.

As I sit here typing, I'm thinking of the morning I just had. I actually read a bit from my bible at breakfast this morning, and I came across this verse: "If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life" (Matthew 16:25). Then, as I ate my lunch later on, I was reading Olive Shoots Around Your Table by John Visser (which my ladies' group is doing a study on), and I came across the same verse.

Gradually, as I looked around my kitchen, seeing the pot of coffee warming, the cupcakes cooling on the stovetop, the dishes by the sink waiting to be washed, the cabinet full of knick knacks and bowls of fruit, I started to see past the ordinary things that I view every day. In essence, I started to look past the happy, complacent feeling I get when I survey my domain, and I started to want something else. Something far more, and yet somehow, far less. I wanted the kingdom of God. I wanted to push past the ordinary and live an extraordinary life.

I'm not sure how to do that, though. Do we pick up and move to a mud hut in the middle of the jungle? Do I do a major de-cluttering session and donate everything to charity? I have a feeling that the answer is something much more intangible, much less simple, and much more frightening. To put it the way Ted Dekker did in A Man Called Blessed, I think I need to step off the cliff. I'm just not sure where the cliff is.

But suddenly, I really want to find it. It's like God has pulled back a veil from my eyes and my heart, and the desire for his kingdom is becoming stronger than my desire for a safe, comfortable life. I don't know what's happening to me exactly, but I'm excited. And I'm praying that whatever He's doing in my heart, He'll keep going.

Solving the Christmas Mystery

2007-12-10T13:03:00.001-08:00

As of this summer, I have been married for five years. Over these five years, I've learned a lot about my husband, but one thing has always puzzled me: Christmas. Why does he say he hates Christmas?

To me, everything about the season is lovely and magical and happy. I love the lights, and the tree, and the cookies, and the eggnog, and the music, and the -- well. You get my point. But to Dave, all of these lovely things seem to be torture of the worst kind. And the more I tried to get him to like it, the more he'd groan and resist.

Well, this year, we had a breakthrough. I'm finally starting to understand what drives him so crazy, and -- horror of horrors! -- I kind of know what he's talking about.

It all started when one Saturday, to my surprise, he suggested we put the Christmas tree up. My husband? Actually wanting to decorate the tree? But it was still November, and, as delighted as I was, I remarked, "But honey, I haven't made any Christmas cookies yet! We can't decorate the tree without sugar cookies to eat and eggnog to drink."

When he threw up his hands in disgust and said, "Forget it," I knew I was on dangerous ground. Here we were, finally at a place where he was willing to participate in Christmas activities, and somehow, I was blowing it. What was wrong? Didn't he like cookies?

It was in the next couple minutes that I learned something quite profound. Something that we adults all seem to know, deep down inside, but we ignore for the sake of tradition and holiday cheer.

Christmas is too complicated.

My low-key, laid-back, tired-because-work-is-so-busy husband just wanted to do something fun with the kids. And I wanted to make it complicated with all my talk of shortbread and hot chocolate. All that work was taking the fun out of Christmas, he said.

Isn't it just so true? As an adult, I had slowly been realizing the same thing. Now that it's my responsibility to clean up after the kids and bake delectable goodies and make sure everyone gets a fair amount of gifts, Christmas has been getting less and less fun every year. But I blew the feeling off, thinking that if I could just have a little more time to do everything just right, it would become fun again. My philosophy was basically that enough sugar cookies and lighted fake evergreen garlands could bring back the magic of my childhood Christmases.

Boy, was I wrong.

So now, in an effort to sincerely make the best Christmas for my husband and children, I'm trying a new philosophy: Simplicity.

It's not as easy as it sounds. I'm really struggling with trying to figure out nice, inexpensive, thoughtful gifts that take no time. And, as much as we try to clear our schedule, there are just some holiday events that we don't want to miss. I'm cutting back on my baking, but I don't want to go without any cookies. And, the less I want to do myself, the more I have to spend to get someone else to do it for me.

I can tell that simplifying Christmas could be difficult, but I'm willing to give it my best shot. After all, my favourite part of the season isn't really the lights, or the tree, or the cookies, or the eggnog, or the music. It's the birthday. And that birthday was really, ultimately, about one thing: Love.

So why should our Christmas be about anything else?

Driving... Me Crazy

2007-12-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

I don't know how much you know about me, but let me give you a brief glimpse into my life. I am a mother of four little boys, the last two of whom are 7-month-old twins. My oldest is 3 and a half, and my middle son is turning two any day now. Life, for me, is either simple or extremely not simple, depending on the day.

Take, for instance, last week. I had three doctor's appointments to go to, none of them for me, and all of them requiring a babysitter for the other boys. Looking back, I don't think I loaded them all into the van as often as it feels like, but in my emotional memory, it was about 200 times. Each. With each of these times requiring the preparation of bottles, the packing of diapers and clean clothes, the applying and re-applying of mittens, and all the chasing and coaxing needed to get two little toddlers into boots and coats. Oh, and then the realization that I was already five minutes late leaving, but I still hadn't eaten anything yet that day.

And there, in the back of my mind all week, was this thought: "What about your website, Amanda? When are you going to write more? When are you going to find more, really cool, very interesting gift ideas? It IS the Christmas season, after all..." That's right. I found myself a wonderful, work-from-home "job" that I'm the boss of, and now it's nagging me, too! But, I have to say that, just like I love my kids even when they're a lot of work, I also love this website.

I love thinking of new ideas, and hearing how it's affected other people, and listening for God's voice in my life so I can share what I'm learning. And I love the feeling that, even though I'm a stay-at-home mom with a pile of dishes to do and stories to read, I can have a relationship with other people out there who might feel like I did last week.

So come visit me often, and leave me your stories to read, too. Then, the next time I'm loading four squirming boys into the car to go somewhere, I'll at least be able to smile about my new friends.

Guilt, guilt, and a little more guilt

2007-11-13T10:54:00.001-08:00

Wow. I have so many ideas for this website. There are so many directions it could take, features it could have.

But I'm actually finding it really hard to work on lately. It's like my brain has just gone blank most of the day! I drink my coffee to get me going, and then I sit and watch Timothy Goes to School with my three-year-old. I can't seem to get out of that comfy chair. And I can't seem to clear the fog out of my brain.

I'm looking out my window right now, and it's a beautiful, sunny autumn day outside. The grass is still green, and if it weren't for the bare branches on the trees, I could almost imagine it was still summertime. I keep thinking I should go outside, but do you know how hard it is to get outside when you have four little kids (two of them infants) and it's nap time?

And yet, even though I have legitimate reasons for staying in, I feel horribly guilty that I'm not romping out in the sandbox with my kids while they enjoy the fresh air.

In fact, I feel guilty about just about everything these days. I worry that I'm not a good enough mother because I can't do the things with my kids that I'd like to be able to do right now. I feel bad that I haven't added any more content to YourEncouragement.com. I even feel guilty that I'm doing the dishes instead of cleaning out the kitty litter!

Believe me, I fully see the irony that I am now struggling with the last thing that I actually wrote about on my site. I realize that I'm probably focusing on all the negative things instead of the positive ones, and I should stop it. Yet all I can think is that it's only the beginning of November, and I still have months of winter left to endure, and I'm already so tired of it.

And the kitty-litter fairy still hasn't shown up.

And all my files are still laying on the floor where my son dumped them last month.

And I haven't seen the surface of my desk since last spring.

I guess getting past guilt is a process. Maybe, every day, every minute even, for the rest of my life, I'll have to be telling myself good things instead of listening to the bad. Something tells me happy thoughts won't just show up on their own. Maybe I have to search for them, and then write them on my hands, on my walls, on my bathroom mirror.

So here: I'll start with something good right now. I just wrote a blog post! I'm about to get up and feed a baby, who is absolutely adorable. My oldest son is laughing hysterically at something on TVO Kids. And the caffeine is starting to kick in.

Our Honesty Shows God's Grace

2007-11-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend of mine today, and we were talking about our depression! How crazy is that? It's amazing how many of us are out there, but we don't always find each other!

I can't tell you how many times I've mentioned to someone that I'm taking meds for seasonal affective disorder or clinical depression (which is what we thought I had at first), only to have them say to me, "Hey, I'm on meds for that too! But I've never told anyone outside my family."
Why are we so afraid to share this with each other?

Okay, I know the answer to that. There are lots of people out there who just don't get it. And we're tired of having them look at us weird or tell us to snap out of it.

But here's what I have to say about it: Stand up and be counted! Don't be ashamed of mental illness. It's a physical condition that is just, in many ways, beyond our control. I'm not embarrassed about my depression. I find it inconvenient, annoying, infuriating, and frustrating on many levels, but Thank God! He has shown me that it doesn't make me any less valuable as a human being.

And it doesn't make me a bad Christian.

It took me a while to realize this. I was bogged down with guilt over my inability to be a "good Christian." But you know what happened? As I was lying in my bed, totally incapable of getting up and going to supper because it seemed too hard, scary, and stressful (and I did this for weeks, only eating when my roommate forced me to), I cried out to God. I just gave up trying to do anything, and I felt horribly guilty about it. My cry wasn't even coherent, really, more like a vague "Help! I can't go on!" And it seemed like he kept directing me to read the book of Galatians in the bible.

You know what the theme of Galatians is? (It took me a while, in my state of mind, to figure this out, but it finally got through.) God didn't save me because of anything I'd done. He didn't expect me to become perfect by doing all the right things (ie. "following the law"). He just wanted me to trust in his Spirit. All I had to do was cling to him. That's it.

And I realized that he was telling me that I was valuable to him, even if I was never able to get out of my bed for the rest of my life. My worth was not tied to my actions. It was tied to him, and how he sees me.

And with that realization, the weight of guilt started to lift.

He showed me that being a "good Christian," to him, is just plain allowing him in and letting him work on my heart. Everything else flows from that.

Now that's grace. And that's why I'm not ashamed to tell people I have depression.

I've got more to say about this. Go to www.yourencouragement.com/toughtimes.html to see it.

Depression is so different for everyone

2007-11-01T10:26:00.000-07:00

I was at my ladies' group this morning, and as we were discussing our study book (Olive Shoots Around Your Table by John Visser), we got to talking about depression, of all things. Well, it's been on my mind, so maybe I brought it up!

It was great, 'cause they helped solidify a couple things in my mind. I tend to forget that people who haven't had depression themselves don't really quite understand what's going on. They can try, and they can be compassionate, but it's not the same as having experienced it.

Plus, we're all so individual in our depressive episodes. Some of us face them head on, and some of us want to run and hide and self-medicate and forget that we're even depressed... which makes it worse, I find. So how to I address the topic of encouragement for christians with depression if we're all so different?

The only answer I have is: Start with what you know.

So I'll write about the things I've learned, I guess. And I'll do some research for the things I don't know, or the things I've forgotten. (For instance, I don't remember off-hand all the symptoms of clinical depression. I'll have to look that up.)

There's just so much. I guess I'll just have to start at the beginning! And I'll keep on adding, and adding, and adding...

Christians with depression

2007-10-31T19:13:00.000-07:00

Today I started working on my latest page, "Tough Times." And my first topic? Christians with depression. Not exactly a light topic, is it?

But the truth is, this is so close to my heart. I have depression, too. Actually, in my case, it's seasonal affective disorder... as in, I get depressed from October to about May, but I have a great summer!

Over my nine years as a christian, I've learned so much about depression. I've been through sudden healing of it (when I first let God into my life -- what a spring that was!), I've been through guilt as I wondered why my depression had returned (was I a bad christian to be feeling that way?), and I've come to understand a lot about depression and what on earth to do when I start feeling that way again. It's been such a process, and I still have to deal with it every winter. I guess I just want to encourage everyone out there that it's something that can be overcome. Mostly. :)

I still get all the physical symptoms (confusion, irritability, tiredness... actually, it's a lot like PMS!), but I'm learning how to manage them. I take medication, too. That helps a LOT. But the good news is, I've addressed most of the underlying issues that were making my depression even worse.

So now, as October finishes up, and I'm back on my meds again, being a christian with depression is something I'm thinking about. So here I am, blogging away, and praying that God will speak through me to encourage everyone who comes to my site.

I think this verse says it all for me:

"All praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the source of every mercy and the God who comforts us. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When others are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4